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Hey, Reader!

I changed my name this week. Or more accurately, I announced that I had gotten as close as I will likely ever get to officially legally changing my name.

There's a whole host of reasons I don't want to go through the process of legal name change - my birth name doesn't bother me that much but the bureaucracy necessary for a legal name change absolutely WILL bother me; I don't particularly want to make it abundantly glaringly officially clear to the government that I am trans; I don't want a fucking X on my license - a thing I regularly give to perfect strangers (not that I could even get one in the state I'm currently living in) - and knowing that about myself I sort of figured that I would probably never change my name.

But there's power in words. There's power in names. It isn't just a fantasy trope. The idea that the true name of an entity holds power over that entity is an ancient magical idea. It is documented in Egyptian myth, the Greek Magical Papyri, Judaism, the bible, and Taoist beliefs. One might even go so far as to say that the idea that words (and therefore names) have power is foundational to how humans conceive of magic and spirituality.

It is true that my old name never felt wrong, but it also didn't feel right. And yet, I couldn't figure out what it was that was missing, so I tabled it and went on my way. But as a magical practitioner, my name isn't just my name. Over the last few years, I started to notice a few things that made it clear that even if the name I was going by wasn't wrong, its lack of rightness was a problem:

• Speaking one's name aloud is a powerful grounding technique. In my experience, it was the most powerful one I knew and I often made use of in trance work. Overtime, as I began to explore my gender and as I began my transition, my name became less and less grounding.
• I started to notice that the spell work I did for other people was significantly more impactful than the spell work I did for myself.

I knew I needed a new name, but nothing was forthcoming. So, about a year ago, I did a dream incubation. I asked the spirits I work with for dreaming to send me a dream of my new name.

It didn't work right away. I repeated the process for several nights. Finally, one night I did dream. I dreamt of Achilles in a shining, brazen light and in the dream I was told that this was where I would find my name.

I had no idea what that meant. I did my best google-fu & poured over article abstracts. I wrote friends who knew far more than me about ancient Greek poetic language. It was a dead end, but I still picked up The Iliad once again - this time Caroline Wilson's translation - and began to read.

It took me about 10 months to read through The Iliad. (A LONG time for me. Y'all know I adore the Iliad!) I finished it while I was on my recent social media break. During my social media break, I was given another dream about my name. This time, I saw my name in the dream - written on my credit card (of all things!) was the name Lex Hesperus. The next day I read through the section of The Iliad where Achilles kills Hector. In that passage Achilles is described as blazing and brazen like the Evening Star. Like Hesperus.

I had found my name. I bought my new domain name the next day. I changed my site url. I amended my LLC.

The day my LLC amendment was accepted I FELT the power in a name. I laughed. I cried. I felt joy and elation. I felt - for the very first time - like myself. I was myself. I am myself. And wow is that ever a powerful feeling, is that ever magic.

I also felt a great grief that this took so long, that I had never once in the previous 30-some years of my life, been able to be myself. That I had kept so much of myself, so much of my truth locked away.

Late last year, I wrote about the power of words in the context of performance and performativity. I discussed language as a tool for reality creation that should not be discounted.

My experience with my name change is the power of language in action. It might seem like a simple shift, but this simple shift of a single word has opened up my truth to me. It has allowed me to BE MYSELF. It has opened up whole parts of myself that I had no idea I was holding back.

And, of course, that isn't all language. Language cannot do that alone. That's where the magic of it comes in. You cannot simply say the magic words and make it happen. You still have to be willing to step through the portal that you open when you say the words. But knowing the right words makes it so much easier to step through that portal.

I'll wrap up today by offering some reflection questions, in case you want to reflect on the possibilities and power that language might be able to help you access:

• What words are on your heart that long to be expressed? Even if you're struggling to put exact words to it, just try. Start with one word, try it out, see if it fits. Experiment and iterate, getting ever closer to what your heart is trying to say.
• What does it feel like when you hold back your words? When do you feel that feeling? What words are trying to escape from your consciousness and out into the world? Why do you fear allowing those words to move into reality?
• Where to these words and ideas pull you? What are they trying to create? What collaboration, co-creation is this language asking of you?

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In Case You Missed It:

• I'm gonna be giving a talk on Queer Animistic Spirituality & the Natural World as Queer Ancestor at Salem Witch Fest in August! You can learn more about the conference here or register for online attendance at my talk here!
• From Instagram:
  • ​Art, creation & making still happen, even if you're not constantly broadcasting it on social media!​
  • On visibility & authenticity (a.k.a. the thing I missed the most during my social media break was posting thirst traps! 😂)
  • ​NEW NAME!!!!​
  • ​Memes for Mercury!​

This Week's Joys & Gratitudes

• Rock climbing, my local climbing gym and all the amazing new friends I have made there! 🥰
• Finally, finally, finally being *me*, absolutely fully myself. Life sure hits different when you're living as yourself and wow...I had no idea what I was missing out on and I'm so so so overjoyed and grateful that I finally made it to this point! 🥹
• My body and it's resilience and capacity for change. I was looking at some old photos this week and I was so amazed and awed at how much I have changed, how much stronger I have gotten, how much I have become myself. It is so amazing to me that this body has such capacity for growth and change.

What's bringing you joy this week? Where are you finding magic? Feel free to hit reply and let me know!

Until next time!

In Joy, Magic, and Solidarity,
Lex

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P.S. Know someone who would find magic in this newsletter? Please forward it on! Word of mouth is one way we weave connection & magic!

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